Holiday Sampler

Chappy Channukkah everybody!

In Jerusalem, the streets are covered in Hanuka decorations and yet it's still 85 degrees out. Amazing.

Miss You Most (at Christmas Time)

You might say to me, EMN, what do you miss this Holiday Season most of all? It's your first winter away from the Northeast US urban centers, and you must be feeling out of sorts. What is it? Is it the Christmas carols? Is it the shopping? The snow? The ice skating? Being told by gentiles to "have a happy holiday" when it sounds like, "I hope you don't feel bad that you're Jewish this time of year..."?

Honestly, dear readers, this time of year, when there's donuts and latkes in every store, what I miss most of all is my gall bladder.

Jews Write the Best Songs

I would now like to publish, with permission, a song my dad wrote me in a sixth grade lunch note. To the famous tune of "Oh Chanuka..."

Oh Chanukka, Oh Chanukah,

A festival of greed.

We give our children presents --

Nothing that they need.

Gather 'round the table,

I'll give you a toy.

It's made out of plastic

For the girls and boys.

One Barbie.

Two Barbies.

And Kens on into the night.

Some are electronic,

And some are chronical-

ly broken, but that's alright!

Some are electronic,

And some are chronical-

ly broken, but that's alright...

Did you hear the one-

My favorite Hannukah joke is as follows.

Moses is taken to see modern day America by Rabbi Akiva. They come to town during Channukah. Moses sees all these chanukiot in windows, dreidels in stores, signs everywhere celebrating the holiday! "Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukah!"

He's amazed! He and Rabbi Akiva talk about how this is such a minor holiday and the Jews are celebrating with such pride!

He exclaims with joy, "If this is what they do for Chanukkah, I can't wait to see Shavuot!"

But seriously folks

Steve Martin is my personal prophet for this holiday season. And he has a special message for us about the true meaning of Christmas.

Funny videos

(My apologies for the poor video quality. Who would have thought NBC would have such strong copyright enforcement? It took me forever to find a link to steal!)