Bulky

It seems like Israelis love to pile things. New things. Old things. Heavy things. Fragile things. Things for sale. Things for trash. It doesn't matter!

Piles, stacks, rows, and sets of things everywhere!

SAND!

CONCRETE!

Maybe Ikea's bookshelves aren't actually so high quality...

Eat more kale!

Be careful!

Piles of Yiddin!

Timing

I've figured it out! In Israel, 1 minute means 10 seconds. 5 minutes means 2 minutes. 20 minutes means 45 minutes. 3 hours means 2 days. And tomorrow means next week.

Anyone else feeling a bit disoriented?

Wrapped Up

I've been looking around this city and wondering something. Is there any vine imagery in Judaism? Not grapes. Vines.

I think vines could be a beautiful metaphor. They start from just a nub and they weave, wend, and wind their way around whatever they're near.

May you be like a vine, concentrating on the journey, beautifying whatever you touch, and surrounding yourself with your roots.

May you be a vine on the Eitz Chayim of Torah, always wrapping around the tradition, gaining strength, and finding new vantage points along your path.

Is there any of this in the tradition? Or do I have a new idea? (I'd be shocked if I did.)

May you provide shelter and shade on others' journeys home.

Women Without Hats

I have now been happily married for a whole year! AND, I've only been married for one year, so that's a pretty good track record!

Now, I've felt funny in religious settings for a long time, because I'm frequently the only woman who wears a tallit and kippah and pants, but now I'm funny in a different way. I don't have any marriage-related head covering. In fact, I'm even wearing the same kippah that I did before I got married.

To be honest, I've barely acquired any clothing since acquiring a husband. I've got a ring and I wear that very faithfully, but I've decided that it's the thing I wear to signify my married status.

But then how will men know that I'm not sexually available to them??

Easy. I won't sleep with them. Hell, I won't even kiss them!! (I'm a total extramarital prude.)

Simply put, I don't think that the visibility of my hair is a marker of my sexual availability. Granted, I do have very nice hair, but -- just like the rest of my body -- just because it's visible in public doesn't mean it's up for public use.

(Maybe people should think of me like a gorgeous house in prime real estate. If it's that nice in this area, it must be spoken for. Right?)

But also, I think modesty is not really a prime concern of mine. While I do dress more modestly than I did when I was a single girl running around New York City, this is mostly a function of me being 28 instead of 21. And there's a difference between dressing to attract attention and dressing to deflect it. I want a middle ground.

But isn't there something different about being married? Don't you want to signify that? Honestly, since I've been with LMN, I've dressed pretty much the same, both before we were married and afterwards. Once I was monogamous, that was it. Getting married didn't increase my level of monogamy. Why should it change the signals I send out to others about their chances with me?

(Now I'm not saying marriage didn't change anything. Marriage changed my feelings of commitment in the long term, but it didn't change whether or not anyone else had a chance with me while I was with LMN. If I wanted to be with someone else while we were together, we would have broken up before anything happened. Therefore, monogamy levels are stable both before and after the chuppah.)

I tried wearing my hair up in this crazy city for about 1 mile of walking. I was going to meet LMN and I was wearing a long skirt, just kicks, and I had a scarf. So I thought to myself, what would happen if I put this on my head?! Right here! In public! So I did. I tied all my hair up in it and walked down the street, all beskirted and beheaded. (Wait; that's not right...)

And what did I think to myself? Oh goodness, I hope no one sees me. Because I was scared that someone would think that this was a religious expression instead of a sociological experiment. And I'm really committed to not expressing myself religiously that way. But I wore it anyway.

What was it like? It was HOT! Like, keeping much more heat on my body than I like. And my ears were covered. It made me feel like I should neither be seen (covering myself) nor should I hear anyone. Wouldn't it just be easier if I stayed home? And it was a subtle, but continual, pressure squeezing my head at all times. I think that if I stayed like that, it would increase my baseline crabbiness about 50%. And that's too much.

So, all in all, the head covering was not a pleasant sensation. And coupled with disagreeing with it on an ideological level, it was not the beginning of a new personal style.

Who else agrees with me on this issue?

Let's talk about Willow Smith. Willow is certainly not sexually available. (She's 10 years old, you pervert.) But Willow is proud of who she is, what she likes, and how she looks. And she's not afraid to let her hair fly!

Sing it, Willow!

Willow Smith - Whip My Hair (Official Video)
- Watch more Entertainment Videos at Vodpod.

Hilarity

Now, I know some people like dogs. And some people think dogs are adorable.

While I respect your right to have that opinion, I have to say that I like cats much more. It's just how I was raised.

With that in mind, I bring you a stupid little video that left me crying with laughter when I should have been enforcing federal regulations.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Who is a Jew

My ulpan (Hebrew immersion class) teacher and I were talking about Israeli laws and who counts for what and she assigned me to write an essay about who I think should count as a Jew. So I thought about it. I walked myself to the Old City and put my mind to the question. And then I had an epiphany.

I don't care.

The question wasn't, What should the Rabbanut in Israel do. Nor was it, What should American Rabbis do. Nor was it, Who should count in a minyan in your shul. It was, Who do you think is Jewish.

And I don't care.

I really only had one criterion for who counts as a Jew that was actually within my jurisdiction; I wanted to marry a Jew. (Why that was essential is another question I haven't explored.) And now I've gone and done that, so I can check that off my list.

So, other than that, why should I care to parse who is a Jew? No one is going to hire me to be their rabbinic authority. No one needs my rulings on the matter. (Whether anyone needs anyone's ruling on the matter is also a question I'm not exploring here.) No one needs me to make the policies at their congregation, perform their marriages or bnei mitzvah, or anything else. I'm just not anyone's professional or lay arbiter on the matter.

(Instead, call me when you have a question about the ramifications of HIPAA on medical research.)

Therefore, I don't care.

But, EMN, what if you're in a minyan and there's only 10 people there and someone might have dubious Jew credentials? Would you act like there's a minyan? What if they want to read Torah? What if they want an aliyah? What if they want to lead the service? And what if it's Yom Kippur?!

You know what? I don't care. I think the overall ramifications of someone davening alongside me whose Judaism is called into question -- who may have had a conversion that someone doesn't like, or a non-Jewish mother, or whose maternal great great grandmother had a conversion that someone didn't like -- are nil. I don't actually think something transformative happens when there's 10 people who are Glatt Kosher Jews. I don't think my prayers go anywhere different if there's someone in a leadership role of any kind of questionable heritage. I'm not sure they go anywhere, but I bet they go to the same place regardless of who is being counted in the room.

Do I think that God is somewhere and doing a background check on everyone davening, and is FREAKING OUT when someone comes up a bit fuzzy? No. I think that if we have a God who likes to micromanage, there are some bigger fish to fry. This doesn't need that much input.

That's my revelation. I simply no longer have to wonder if I think someone is Jewish enough for something. I'm off that committee.

Phew!

The beat of the city

I was sitting in the park, watching people go by, and I heard a drum beat. I thought to myself, "Man, that guy's headphones are too loud. He's going to destroy his ears!"

But I noticed that the guy with the headphones was not the guy with the drum beat.

Nah. It was just this guy walking through the park in Jerusalem in the middle of the playing a tambourine to himself.

Sure.

Shatter

Do you ever feel like this?

Cracked.

Shattered.

Not yet fallen apart.

Held up by something mysterious.

What force is keeping you together?

Surface tension?

Inertia?

Mysterious glue, somehow inserted in advance, anticipating your weak spots?

What will become of you?

Will someone flick at your wounds and send you careening apart?

Maybe you'll remain in place, different from the wholeness around you and yet retaining the same shape.

Or perhaps someone will notice you, find your cracks distressing, or alluring, and alert the authorities. And you will be

Replaced.

But you're not useless, you see.

You provide a new perspective.

When people see you, they don't look through you.

They can't.

They see you.

They see you.

And when they try to get past that, you have power.

You can take the world,

Take what we're used to,

And break it up into tiny little chunks;

Pre-chewed, like mama used to.

And suddenly, where there had been none, there are now boundaries.

Separations.

And they become as important as

Or more than

The view just beyond the lines.

Look at all that you can do with just the right amount of pressure.

You're a brand new you.

Brief Comfort

Oy vey. This is not good.

But here's my solace. Remember when the progressives were in charge of the House and they had all these great ideas and they got stalled in the Senate? Well, now the conservatives (to put it generously) can have all these ideas they love and they can ALSO get stalled in the Senate!

Now, I'm not saying gridlock is a good idea. But it might be the better option here.

Oy!

And now, KITTENS!!

I know. You love cats with their tongues stuck out. How much cuter is this cat than John Boehner?

Tiny little kitten in the trash pile by a construction site. So teensy!

(May the Republican power in the House be as big and scary as this kitten.)

And here's a quick diagram about our political state.

Here's an adorable little kitten. Let's name her Hopey Changey. And here's a dog. Let's call him Goppy.

The cat sees a big scary dog. The dog feels big and scary. What neither of them realizes (because they're not very smart) is that the dog has a big plastic muzzle on.

But the dog sees the kitten. The kitten tries to look scary, but we all know she's terrified. And Goppy is confident despite not being able to say anything clearly (due to the muzzle and reduced intellect). And....

Oh no! Hopey Changey has hopped into a nearby tree!! She's so scared and little and high off the ground! How will she ever get down?

Indeed, Hopey Changey. How will you?

So, do you feel better now?